Is this the best you have?

I received this in my e-mail. Totally makes me want to buy lip gloss and all things "beautiful" from this company. Do you really think this is the BEST picture of a mouth talking that they could find....and if so YIKES!!

No Soup For You!

(image found via wikipedia)

So on Friday when I called my Mortgage Company I felt like maybe I was talking to the Soup Nazi, I had received some papers from them and there was no prepaid envelope to send them back. I called and asked if they could email me a shipping slip and then I could just go and pick up an envelope so they could get the TIME SENSITIVE docs back. No apparently that is a COURTESY that they extend to only a few select people. I asked somewhat jokingly "oh so I don't deserve that courtesy?" The answer I received you ask...."No I guess not!" dead serious. I feel like I asked for that answer but REALLY?? What happened to customer service, or just being like sorry it must have been an oversight. I ended up paying 30 BONES for it to be overnighted.... NO COURTESY FOR YOU!! :|

You're a DEUSCH!!

(this image is not the original I made a duplicate!)

This would be the note left on my truck the other night....... If you know me you know I left a similar response on the back of the note that said Learn how to spell Douche! I mean if you want to be insulting can you at least spell correctly.....Am I right?!?

Fashion Police

It's a Tuesday morning, sitting in a psychology class when in walks a boy with RED/ORANGE HAIR AND A BRIGHT PINK SHIRT!!!! Now I am all for not matching but when your HAIR and your SHIRT clash because you want to be such a tool......its sad Mr. Tool just Sad.
It had the same affect as Molly Ringwald who is not so Pretty in Pink with that hair. Just Sayin!!

Shoe Update

Although I do stand firm that shoes do not make you indecent or skanky, I have realized that shoes that are exceptionally high-heeled are very hard to walk around in all day at work. I suppose it would be different if work consisted of upbeat dance tunes, lots and lots of Crown and Rockstar, and a man at your side helping you up and down stairs etc. I'm not officially rescinding the previous post, just saying some shoes are too hard on your dawgs for work :)

Slaylist??

I was just texting my best bestie ever, Jen B.rad, and tried to input the word "playlist", as in ipod playlist. Well the default word for that particular set of letters is "slaylist". What exactly is a slaylist and how can it be used in a sentence? Here are some examples I thought of:

I've just finished my slaylist, there are five people this week that need to watch their back.

I wrote my slaylist in invisible ink so that my husband will never know what I think of his mother.

Sh*tlists are for the weak. If you REALLY mean business you have a slaylist.

LOL I mean seriously??? I'm concerned with the peeps at LG and what exactly they are thinking.... >:-\

Politics and other Infuriating details!

I get that our blog is supposed to be about our funny day to day lives, but mine seems a bit more mundane than usual so I will be posting things that get on my nerves etc. Politics is going to be at the forefront of my list. Along with other things but I do feel that if I have a blog I might as well post the things that bug me along with it ;)

Which fashion faux paus' have you fallen victim to?

OMG! I just heard this story that made the bile rise into my throat! My coworker was just telling me how he saw this kid in all his current fashionista skinny-pants glory, walking down their street. From the back was the usual skinny pants barf-fest, the pants so small that they don't fit over the butt, and have to be buttoned below it, so it's all underwear showing (ew). Well this one wasn't wearing a shirt, so as my coworker passes he happens to glance in his rear view mirror and sees this afro of pubic hair rising from the front of his pants. They were so low that his whole mane down there was showing. BARF! BARF! BARF! Why does anyone dress like this?? I'm so so grossed out now, and I can't even imagine the damage that would have caused my psyche to see it in person. Think of the children! Isn't that indecent exposure? It should be, because that, my friends, is INDECENT!

Shoes

I happen to be wearing my new heels to work today, yes the ones with four inch heels that make me approximately 6'1". I know that I am guilty of calling heels like this "hooker heels" or "slut shoes", not that I mean it because I wear high heels a lot, just that it seems like society frowns upon super high heels in certain places. For instance, work - I've seen many an MSN Careerbuilder blog that says not to wear super high heels to interviews, wear conservative shoes; also church, wouldn't all the church ladies gasp! if someone wore over a 3.5 incher to services! Now I have noticed that the rules change depending on build. Short women can get away with high heels where taller women, like myself, it's just too shocking; most likely because I am taller than most men with them on it tends to drown the inner short-man syndrome with gasoline and spark just enough to light a fire they had long ago tried to suppress.

My point is this, passing judgment on other people based on their appearance is a long debated topic, one that most of us try to avoid yet still do regardless, but really shoes? Why is there such a stigma on footwear? Does a 1/2 inch more of a heel really make us look like whores? NO!! Shoes are not immodest or outrageous! They are simply shoes! Hell, they go on our feet for gripes sakes!!!! So in response to this baseless and bonkers thought process, I will be wearing my high heels wherever I want, to the office, if I ever go into a church again, hell probably at my wedding! They are my feet and I will cover them in what I will, if you would like to gasp! in horror over my shoes or label me, feel free, it will be the perfect opportunity for me to justify all of the shameless and slanderous gossiping I will do about you later lol. Eventually, hopefully, people will be more concerned with being introspective and improving themselves rather than judging others for their footwear :) Until then, REBEL YELL!!!! :-)

Things

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE
When my 5 year old nephew asks if we have a breath mint because he forgot to brush his teeth that morning.

When same nephew is brushing his teeth later at my house and asks if the toothpaste will be "spicy", and also wanted to make sure he got to use the same stuff as my husband!!

"thanks a heap coyote ugly, this cactus gram stings even worse than your abandonment"






THINGS THAT MADE ME FROWN
So is it super annoying to anyone else that our President of the United States acts more like a celebrity than a President? I mean do I give a SHIT whether he comments on Michael Jackson's untimely demise? NOT especially so why is it a big deal if he says anything about it or not, and would that be something that any other President would be expected to address? Is it vital to our safety? On MSN's new gossip page it has a picture of the President with the heading Delayed Reaction....WOW well thank god that Barack is super concerned with MJ and his dying lest I think we be worried about N. Korea bombing us in the future woooo!

Dieting blows, I have been dieting for about a month and have lost weight but its super boring and my attention span is like 2 seconds long. Which is why I never diet its boring and too much time concerning oneself with food! So here is to another 4 weeks of salad and dedication to not stop early!!

Of Course!

So we were watching some of the special Dateline last night covering the death of Michael Jackson (and Farrah Fawcett, although we didn't watch that much of it), and they had a guest doctor come on to speculate as to what may have been the reason for the death at such a relatively young age. So the doctor says at the end of her little five minute stint, "they will be testing the tissues and doing toxicology screenings to try and find the answer as to what, if anything, may have caused this" (fairly close to original wording). Didn't something clearly cause this? I mean, he's dead. People don't just die from nothing. LOL I thought it was a funny choice of words. Thank you, Ms. Obvious! :)

PS Jen B.Grievin.....I'm so sorry for your loss.

Husband of the Office

It's well known around my office that I am the office "husband" :) Primarily because I leave dirty dishes in the sink forcing my unsuspecting coworkers to clean up after me :( I don't mean to! But it ends up happening nonetheless. I'm just saying that sometimes I can understand how some significant others can go about their day leaving a sink full of dirty dishes! I don't agree with it, but I empathize with it. lol :) Just don't tell my significant other!!! He'll never be off the hook ;)

Raspberry Vinaigrette = Poison

According to my 5-year-old, raspberry vinaigrette "tastes like poison!!!" - which is rude, since I am only trying to introduce new things, certainly NOT trying to poison anyone (excuuuuse me!). I'm sure he thought it was rude that I fed him poison for dinner. So we're tied.

Word to the wise - kids love ranch! According to Lona: "It was probably in the pamphlet that they forgot to give me when my son was born: #56 Raspberry vinaigrette is poison. Ranch is amazing"!! LOL pretty much sums it up!

TV Blues

So recently one of my fav shows has taken a turn with a certain character. If you are a fan of Grey's Anatomy you will know exactly what I am talking about when I mention Callie. Dr. Torres is a resident (on the show) at Seattle Grace Hospital, meaning she has a pretty sweet gig. She's several years out of med school (which her father paid for so no student loans), she works a lot, good at what she does, etc. So why, oh why, do the writers decide that she is the one that needs to try and relate to the hundreds of thousands of American workers that are currently unemployed and the countless families affected by this phenomenon of joblessness???

A little background - Callie Torres has lived off of a trust fund that her father gave her for the last who-knows-how-long, and has recently been cut off by him because she is dating another woman. Well instead of saying, ok my money isn't disposable anymore, she suddenly can't pay her half of the rent (another thing that bugs, it's not even full rent, it's half - come on), can't afford to go out to eat, she's BROKE wah wah wah :'( much crying ensues. Seriously, if they want to relate to the viewers that are struggling financially right now - and there are A LOT! - then pick a character that it's likely they really would be struggling, like a CNA or one of the brand new interns with a whole shit-ton of student debt; do NOT pick the resident DOCTOR that has no debt (because her family has always paid for EVERYTHING) to pretend like there is a possibility that she it as bad off as the average American that doesn't currently have a job. It is just plain rude and only goes to show that the people in Hollywood clearly do not have a clue what's going on with us. Idiots (sigh)

Feminist

I hope this works, its an interview done with the Feminist Gloria Steinman. She is my hero!! Other than Lona of course ;)

Spin Class

Ang and I do a spin class at 6 in the morning, today there were quite a few people and it was HARD. But about half way through I notice a man in the front row on the "downhills" going as fast as 164 rpm, his whole body is shaking with movement. He was bouncing around so furiously I hope to the heavans that if he did want to bring children into this world he has already done it, cause I do not see many swimmers surviving that kind of torture. I looked at Ang and moved my eyes towards him willing her to use her Psychic ability and see what I see. I hate not sharing funny things. Throughout the rest of class we would catch eyes look at him and laugh! Ang said it best later on "I thought he was going to spontaneously combust" So did I!!! Honestly, is a smidge more of a workout even worth the threat of blowing yourself up? *SIGH* funny, funny people :) They're everywhere!

Phone Tag :|

Let's just take a moment to discuss "phone tag". I know most of you worker bees have encountered the "tagger" that will call and leave a message after you've called them and left a message, only their message will say something to the effect of "It's Jill! TAG YOU'RE IT!". Do these people think this is funny? Humorous? Hilarious? Because it is none of these things. This is some lame, lackluster way to pass the time in a boring office setting. Really? That's all you've got? I mean I realize that one can only refresh MSN so many times before knowing everything there is to know about the dreadful breach of protocol regarding the Queen (get a life!) or that Brangelina (BLECH) want a gazillion multi-ethnic babies, but you don't have any friends to email? Any comical blogs to post? Oh that's right, you think phone tag is a simply riotous way to pass the time.....so probably not. Bottom line: is work a game? Is it fun? Will "playing" phone tag make it either of these things? NO! So stop leaving stupid voicemails, you sound like an idiot.

Church

The church people came by last night........Want us to consider having home teachers..........

DST

I just realized that perhaps the reason that alarm clocks (annoyingly) have the hour button right on top that you only have to barely even breathe on to change the time ahead an hour is for Daylight Savings Time. The one time a year that the button is pretty convenient to jump the clock ahead one hour. The sheer ingenuity of alarm clock makers to make this transition even that much easier! Having said that...it's also a miserable nuisance when 6:30am the alarm goes off and you hit snooze only to have it change the time to 7:30 and ultimately make us late for work at least once a month the rest of the year. Well played GE and cohorts, well played.

EWWW

While searching for a coolio new pic for the blog I was working on I let my dog lick my fingers for approximately seven minutes, like I'm a bloody slab of salt! BARF!!! I was totally unaware....yet I was aware. Sick, grody, barfo, etc.... Now my hand is all sticky and I'm still just sitting here... typing ....

BORING

Is it boring to anyone else to see Mom Blogs that show no PERSONALITY whatsoever and only talk about Potty Training, Nap Time, and Crafts? Its making me bored just complaining about the boringness!

Stupid Girl

I was reminded today of the annoying girls that after doing the dirty always ALWAYS say they are pregnant afterwards. They have "symptoms" a day after having sex and always freak themselves out by harping on it for a month A MONTH of listening to how this stupid person had sex and then thinks they are knocked up. Its a month of torture for those of us that have to listen to their "plan" of will they tell the guy? How will they afford this baby? Can they do it alone? Do they love the "father" enough to maybe marry him? HOLY SHIT are you kidding me. There is a HUGE part of me that thinks that these girls want to be pregnant
A) for the drama
B) so that they can say they have a relationship with someone (or had)
C) for the attention it would cause (which just revertes back to A)
Its annoying and I am more than a little confused as to why these girls cant use some form of protection so that for a month we dont have to hear it?? Oh wait they are on BC they are just hoping the sperms are tough swimmers. LAME they need a life, and a perhaps a THERAPIST

MEDIUM

SO I'M WATCHING THE CLOSER "FATE LINES", THIS PARTICULAR EPISODE HAS A PSYCHIC....LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SHOW....BESIDE THE POINT.... NOW WHAT'S TRULY PSYCHIC IS THAT JUST THIS MORNING I WAS TELLING MY OTHER HALF (AMM2) ABOUT HOW I REALLY DO HAVE PSYCHIC ABILITIES.....IT'S JUST THAT THEY ONLY SHOW IN STUPID INSTANCES. I'M NO NOSTRADAMUS BY ANY MEANS. MY FUTURISTIC THOUGHTS CONSIST OF GIFTS I AM GOING TO RECIEVE OR WOMEN THAT WOULD BE PERFECT FOR MY BEST MANFRIEND (MY GAYDAR AS HE SO LOVINGLY PUT IT TODAY, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE NOT GAY IT WAS BECAUSE IT'S GAY OF ME TO DATE A GIRL FOR HIM LOL). ANYWAY IT'S USUALLY PRETTY LAME STUFF. ALTHOUGH THE OTHER HALF MADE FUN, SHE HAD TO ADMIT LATER ON THAT OUR ABILITY TO TELECOMMUNICATE SPOKE VOLUMES ABOUT NOT ONLY MY GIFT, BUT HERS AS WELL. :) OUR TWINTALK ROCKS! BE JEALOUS.

BLUETOOTH BONANZA!!!

SO WE TOTALLY CAN'T BE THE ONLY PEEPS OUT THERE STILL STRUGGLING TO NOT LOL AT THOSE WEARING BLUETOOTH DEVICES. WHO ARE THE PEOPLE SPORTING THESE NOT-SO-ATTRACTIVE FACIAL ELECTRONICS? WELL SO FAR I'VE SEEN THE REAL ESTATE AGENT KICKING THE ROCKS AND PACING AROUND WHILE TALKING INTO THEIR BLUETOOTH - OH YES! TOO LAZY TO PUT YOUR ARM HALFWAY UP AND HOLD THE PHONE, SINCE IT'S NOT LIKE THE FREE HANDS ARE BUSY MULTITASKING. ANOTHER BLUETOOTH ABUSER, THE WT CROWD. YOU KNOW THE TYPE, THE ONES ON DISABILITY THAT CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING SO IMPORTANT GOING ON THAT THEY ABSOLUTELY MUST BE AVAILABLE AT ALL TIMES BY ATTACHING THE PHONE TO THEIR EAR - FUNNILY ENOUGH, THIS CROWD IS CONSTANTLY TALKING INTO THEIR EARPIECE.....TO WHOM I WONDER? SO FAR I HAVE YET TO SEE A SERIOUSLY IMPORTANT PERSON (CEO OF A COMPANY, THE PRESIDENT, ETC.) WITH THE CRAPTACULAR BLUETOOTH IN. LESSONS LEARNED IN THIS, IF YOU CURRENTLY WEAR A BLUETOOTH, ODDS ARE YOU ARE NOT AS AWESOME AS YOU THINK; AND IF YOU'RE THINKING OF OWNING A BLUETOOTH YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A DB THAT'S TOO SELF-IMPORTANT TO TALK TO HIS OWN WIFE DURING LUNCH (REFERENCE ABOVE PIC).